Priorities...

I met my husband at a younger age.  We were still in our teens.  Late teens but teens none the less.  We didn't start dating until I was nearly 21 though.  He had a girlfriend when we met.  It was kind of funny though... I knew from the moment I met him that I would love him and I wanted to be with him.  I was even fairly sure I was going to marry him.  Imagine my surprise when I realized he was 'taken'. I resigned myself to being his friend and dated other people.  Though none of them ever came close to what I imagined it would be like to be with him.  One day it happened.  He broke up with his girlfriend and we slowly began to date.  One thing lead to another and with in a year we were living together- then married.  Then to our surprise within two months of marriage we were pregnant.  It was a whirlwind of changes.  Wonderful, life altering changes.  What you have to understand is, all of this took place between ages 21 and 23 for me.  Him just a year older.  We were not 'grown up' yet.  Adults? sure.  Grown up? Not even close.  We made some good decisions and we made some very immature and maybe even stupid ones... but marriage and parenthood were not one of them.  I often wonder how different things would be if we had waited a bit longer to have children... Maybe we would be more stable.  Maybe my husband would have finished college.  Maybe we would be more financially equipped...  Tough as much as I think about this from time to time I also understand it does no good to question decisions that have already been made.  We have to work with what we are given... or accept the consequences of what we choose... make the best of it.  We have to face our life and our choices head on and keep moving forward.  It is one thing to learn from the past it is quite another to wallow in it.

I know our choices gave us many, many ups and downs in our lives.  We have never been super financially stable.  Okay- once but it didn't last.  We are on our way back to that comfortable range.  You know, the one where you can breath a little more and not be so scared to look at the bank account.  Not every time anyway.  

But despite these ups and downs in our financial situation I have made one thing abundantly clear.  My kids come first.  I have always made sure they have the best of everything I can offer them.  I don't mean Nikes and Gap Jeans.  I don't mean Ballet lessons and Soccer Teams.  I don't care so much about them having those things.  They are nice.  If we had the money I would more than love for them to do them but what is important to me is that I give them experiences.  I want them to experience as many things as possible before they grow up.  Things like, the zoo, hiking on a trail, cultural festivals, music, dance, art... everything.  I just want them to be well rounded by hands on experiences.  Not only do I feel this is so important for them as developing individuals but I also feel it brings our family so close together.  Sometimes it feels like the only time we aren't arguing is when we are out together enjoying what life has to offer.  There are so many things out there to do and see and I want them to get to do and see all of it and I want us to do as much of it together as a family as possible.  It may seem silly to a lot of people that I feel this way.  I know many family have game nights, or they go out to eat together, or they do a vacation once a year... this is just our way of doing things I guess.  Our way to connect to one another outside of day to day life.

It doesn't always have to be expensive things either.  We are blessed to live in a community where these are a lot of family oriented free or very low cost events.  Things that do cost we manage to save for, use coupons, or once in a while, if we are particularly lucky, win in contest.  So even though we are the definition of a working class family we make it work.  I am able to offer my family exactly what I have always wanted to offer them.  Sure it takes planing and I only have one pair of jeans in my closet and our couch has seen better days... but those are things.  Things that I know one day we will be able to replace.  Right now I want to focus on my kids.  Raising them to see everything.  To understand people, the environment, other religions and cultures...how they can help people.

In there short years, they have already done more than I ever did at their age.  They have been to the Aquarium, Japanese festivals, Scottish Festivals, Greek festivals, watched ballet at the library, sat on a lawn at the park and watched a movie, been to the mountains, gone to a tea party, swam in a lake, been to minor and major league baseball games, been to NHL games, rescued a squirrel and taken it to a rehabilitation center, spent weekend after weekend at the zoo, raised money and walked for Autism speaks, seen the inside of a vets office and how it works, my son has even seen puppies that were only moments old.  They have ridden horses, picked apples, blueberries, strawberries and pumpkins.  Collected fresh chicken eggs from a farm and flown a kite. Been through a corn maze and even watched jousting in a dinner show.  Some of these things sound so simple but I am just so proud that I was able to take them to do these things and enjoy it with them.  I know what you are thinking... I am living my childhood through them.  Maybe a little but honestly does it matter?  The important thing is I know I am at least getting this part right.  I know I have screwed up so many times as a mother but this, this I know I am doing right and that feels so good to me to know that in my heart.  Despite the fact that we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination I am able to share these amazing experiences with them and I know there are so many more things to come and I can't wait.  Maybe I should make a bucket list...?
                                           

Braves Game

Pickng pumpkins

picking apples

Walk Now for Autism Speaks

Tea Party

Medieval Times

In there Zoo Atlanta member t-shits

Change

Another big secret here... I am not a fan of change.  Which is unfortunate since our lives have been filled with nothing but change for the last few years with nothing but changes to come in the future...I mentioned in my last post that I have been a stay at home mom now for over a year now.  That was a shocking change but it turned out to be a great so with any luck our newest adventures will turn out to be the same, an unexpected positive experience.

You see, we are getting ready to take a big leap and leave our house behind us.  Economically we can't remain here any longer-that has been made very clear to us.  This is going to mean down sizing to an apartment.  Giving up that sense of privacy that comes with owning a house.  This also means giving up some physical 'things'  For one, our dog.  Thankfully he will be handed over to family member and I have no doubt he will be in good hands.  For another... our Television.     It is old and very large and it would take up way to much space plus I am not convinced it would survive a move!  What you have to understand when I say this is that we will not be able to readily replace it.  This means we will be watching our shows on the computer for a while.  I am not sure how this will go over... but I am certain we will find out.  It also means that my children are no longer going to have that free reign of the yard they are so used to.  They will no longer be able to go outside alone when ever they want.  They will have to wait for me to be able to accompany them.  I am going to have to make a huge effort to make sure that are able to get outside every day.  I am not sure I am ready for this responsibility.  I have not had to accompany them outdoors in a long time.  They either went outside at daycare/school or, by the time I lost my job and had the girl home all day,  they were both old enough to go outside on their own.  Our weekends have always been filled with more than a good bit of outdoor time doing random fun things.  But making sure they get some fresh air has never had to a big focus of my weekdays.  That is about to change.

However with all of these seemingly horrible or sad changes there will also be some good ones.  The one that comes to mind first is that I will not only have a working dishwasher but also a garbage disposal!  I know, it's silly but I am so excited about both of these things.  I have been hand washing dishes since our dishwasher broke six months ago.  I don't know how many of you lack a dishwasher, you may be used to it, but I am not.  I have found a routine that seems to work but I find that there is always some amount of dirty dishes in the sink.  I mean, nothing crazy or anything but it is just seems to never be empty- or not empty for very long.  Which is a bit obnoxious.  We also will be gaining a pool.  The kids are pretty excited about this part.  I can honestly say that is will be nice to have that free option in the summer.  Lastly it will mean someone else gets to deal with all of the broken things.  This will be a wonderful change of pace for us.  We purchased an older home about four years ago and we have had one thing or another break all the time since we moved it.  I honestly believe the inspector was working for the Realtor because he said everything looked great- only minor problems.  Yeah, we have had so many problems... and not all of them are minor I assure you.  In fact many of them we have not had the money to fix!  So no longer being responsible for the repairs will be great on so many levels.

I find myself contemplating these changes at almost every quiet moment I have, which since the girl is now in school half the day, is a lot of time to be contemplating things I have very little control over.  That may be what bothers me most.  The lack of control.  I like to have a plan.  I like things to be in order, I want a list, I want things to flow and I want things to go smoothly.  Loose ends bother me and unknown things bother me even more.  I am told I am an excessive planner by my husband but in my mind, someone has to do it.  These things do not plan themselves... things may fall into place but not without some amount of effort.  Maybe I am wrong but that is just how it is going to be.  I am going to do the numbers over and over again every month just to make sure it is still going to work because I need to.  I need to feel confident that I have it all in order and everything is going to be able to go smoothly.  It is just how I am programmed I suppose.  I don't guess that will ever change.

Why

As I sit here in front of the Television sipping my coffee and listening to the rain, I find myself pondering why I started this blog to begin with.  I have nothing to offer.  I am not an amazing cook, I don't have an amazing story, there is nothing remotely interesting about my life, I am the definition of average... so the question I ask myself is 'why?  Why start a blog that undoubtedly no one will ever read?'  I think the answer I keep coming back to is that it is for me and no one else.  My goal is not to get paid or to gain internet notoriety.   What ever comes of it comes - and I fully suspect that will be nothing!

First thing I want to get out of the way is this ::whispering:: come closer-- a little closer--okay, are you ready for this?--I am NOT perfect.  I know, shocking right?  Alright aside from that, I worked for many many years before being economically placed into the role of stay at home mom over a year ago.  That was a scary, unexpected and, I thought, unwanted transition though I have grown to love my new role in this family.  I admit, once I got past the shock or no longer being employed, it was an amazing change for the better.  It took away a lot of stress and allowed me to be a better wife and a better parent.  There are a lot of people in the world who can make working and parenting coexist in an amazing way.  I guess was not that person, I thought I was but I just never realized how much the stress of my job affected the way I interacted with my family.  I stayed tired and overwhelmed and was therefore unable to enjoy what I had right in front of me.  A beautiful family.

My beautiful family consist of a wonderful husband who works so hard to allow me to stay home and take care of our home and our children.  Two wonderful kids, a boy who is nearly 8 and a girl who is 4.  The boy is in third grade this year.  He has high functioning autism, specifically Asperger's syndrome, which keeps us on our toes.  The has grown in leaps an bound over the last two years especially.  I owe a lot to his amazing school, teachers and therapist.  The girl started an optional state pre-k program this year which is just so sad for me.  I truly miss her company during the day but she is going to a great school where I know she is going to learn and grow so much this year that I don't think it is fair for me to wish I had not sent her.  Though I admit there are days when I feel that way-just a little bit.

So, that's who I am.  Nothing special, nothing amazing but it is what I have to offer.  I can't wait to see where this blog goes because I honestly have no idea what direction it will end up going in.  I am sure there will be many, many random moments as I feel it out.